The Great Californian House Hunt

I have three… three more weeks to find a place to live in San Francisco.

In an ordinary city – where demand < supply – this would be possible.  In a city like San Francisco where the I don’t really see the evidence of a double dip recession  happening anywhere, not as simple.

It doesn’t help that the VP of Finance has asked me 3 times in 7 days if I have good news for him.  He desperately needs me to move out of the corporate apartment since another one of my coworkers is moving to SF soon.  Doesn’t he know that I prefer a website that does a countdown and plays Jeopardy music as it gets closer to doomsday?

I’ve been trying to find a way to convey what house hunting really is like in San Francisco.  I think I found the perfect formula:

1) 50% online dating – Not the premium online dating from match.com or eharmony but the shady ones like Plenty of Fish.

2) 25% hunting – Think guns, duck, moose, possibly wild turkeys.

3) 25% job interviews – “What is your worst trait”  “My worst trait is being too clean, never having friends over, and not doing anything fun in my house other than sit there.”  Please let me live here!!!!  Smell the desperation?

Well I’m proud to say my housemate and I have successfully nail down a formula that works in trying to get a landlord to choose you in the Great Californian House Hunt.  We were offered a place after 5 days of searching and currently in final talks with one.  Here’s the kickass strategy.

If the agent or landlord…

…is a young gentleman.  Be ready to bat your eyes, laugh at his jokes, and smile smile smile.  Ask plenty of damsel in distress questions such as “Is this neighbourhood safe, will I be okay stumbling home at night” and “Do you live nearby”?  Insert a giggle here or there.  I am not proud of myself.

…brings along his adorable two year old child.   Be sweet to the child and try to get him to picture his child one day…  Househunting. In a strange city.  Alone.  Work that emotional appeal.

…is a female your age.  You are her best friend.  You will be her shoulder to cry on, bring ice cream to her when she goes through a breakup, her biggest cheerleader if she loses her job, her fashion advisor.

…is an older, flamboyant gay.   You are in luck.  Do a combination of Young Gentleman vs. Female Your Age.  For added security measures, throw in a compliment on what he is wearing.

… is an older woman.  Just walk away.  Why waste her time and yours?  You’re not going to get it.  She’s not even going to remember your name when she calls to reject you.

I’ve so far rejected one offer after deciding it was a little out of my housemate and my budget.  Now I’m just waiting to see if the other landlord approves our financial situation.  I took a few lessons from one of my coworkers who is probably the most persuasive person I know.  I’ve emailed and/or call everyday since we first met.  Now all I can do is wait.

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  1. November 16th, 2011

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